11 Comments

  1. This was an odd one for me…. I struggled with the decision and can honestly say that I surprised myself when I chose to adopt Carl’s last name. He was completely supportive either way. The actual process was a MAJOR hassle. Sitting in a Philly social security office is enough to turn anyone away! It is extra confusing in my case because my business is under my “maiden” (ha!) name. This means different named credit cards and lots of confusion all around. My personal decision came from knowing that we wanted to start a family and I guess I thought that I would like us to all have the same name. While I don’t regret the decision, I PERHAPS would do it differently if I had the chance to do it again… but, then again, what’s the point of thinking about that? In many ways, I really do enjoy that we are joined in name.

    Perhaps it is because my business uses my birth name or the fact that I had that name only for 29 years before getting married, but to me I am and always will be Melissa Hassey. At the same time, I am also Melissa Franke. Somehow it works.

    To each their own, indeed! Cheers!

    July 12, 2015
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    • said:

      What you said makes total sense, wanting your family to share the same name. That’s what I grew up with too, and it’s hard to imagine what it would be like otherwise. I just hate the fact that the burden is on the woman to change! Despite the business confusion it’s great that you can balance both names, though.

      July 12, 2015
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      • we have unofficially adopted the name “Wonka”. We’ve used it on discount cards and restaurant reservations. Sometimes I think it would be way cooler if we just officially did that. Then I would have to balance 3 names though…. πŸ˜‰
        The burden is definitely on the woman and that really stinks. I love that it has become more acceptable for a man to change his name or to adopt a new name altogether though.

        July 12, 2015
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  2. said:

    I got married in 2002. I wasn’t intending on changing my name, but he was upset that it was some kind of rejection – and to be honest by that stage I was already on my 3rd surname (through parental re-marriage) so it wasn’t really that big of a deal for me. I did feel a little uncomfortable that I was conceding to some kind of possession, but on the whole I just decided to go with it.

    Since then, I picked my own name off the internet and changed it by deed poll. It’s not my father’s or anyone else’s for that matter – it’s mine and mine alone. I cannot see myself ever getting married again, but if I do, I certainly won’t be giving this one up.

    July 4, 2015
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  3. I was sitting in the DMV yesterday with my birth certificate and my marriage certificate (to explain my name change) and I turned to my daughter and said “don’t change your name when you get married”. When she asked why, I said not only is it a pain to get new documents to prove you changed it, but also because marriage isn’t about a choice to become the property of someone else. Maybe it used to be, but times have changed. And I have changed.
    I think I liked the romantic idea of it when I did it, but I was also 23 at the time and romantic ideas were very appealing to me. Not as much anymore with some wisdom of years. That said, Emma said “I’m going to do it”. Of course you are. πŸ™‚

    July 3, 2015
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  4. Dawn said:

    Feminist FOREVER! My uncle’s second wife got married in a red dress, and she was stunning. I am all for bucking tradition. Good for you!

    July 2, 2015
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    • said:

      Thanks, Dawn! I almost chose red. I should have. Dang.

      July 2, 2015
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  5. said:

    I’ve changed my name twice now (once when I got married, and then back when I got divorced). I didn’t really find it all that difficult to go through the name-changing process (or expensive, actually), but I understand why you don’t want to change yours. I most likely will not change mine again if I ever remarry, mainly because twice is enough, but if I did, I think I’d want my husband and I to come up with a fusion of both of our last names. I knew a couple that did that once, and I thought it was a neat idea that moved away from the patriarchy and antiquated tradition of property, while symbolizing two individuals coming together to form a united couple.

    July 2, 2015
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    • said:

      I remember reading in your blog that it felt good to change it back! I like the idea of blending the names, too. If I were inclined to change mine, I think I’d want to take that route.

      July 2, 2015
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  6. said:

    Also, changing your name is a royal pain in a**; as well as being super expensive. It just makes it that much more annoying to me that tradition expects women go through all this extra work while men do nothing.

    July 1, 2015
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    • said:

      Yes! That’s another reason. Even if I did want to change it, I know me and there’s no way I’d bother to follow through with all of that while the man doesn’t have to lift a finger, so I still wouldn’t change it. I think I’ll add a paragraph in my post saying that.

      July 2, 2015
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