Sassy’s behavior has really gone downhill in the past six months or so due to her dementia, and we understand none of it is her fault. So we’ve been patient with her when she gets mouthy with us and when she goes to the bathroom in the house.
This morning, though, I completely lost it. And I feel awful.
She’s not really peeing or pooping on her walks very much anymore. It seems like she’s forgotten that relieving herself is one of the purposes of a walk.
So, we started letting her out in the back as soon as we get home. We give her a treat whenever she relieves herself appropriately, either in the back or on a walk, and just cleaning it up without flipping out if she goes inside.
But this morning, we got home from our walk and I was taking my shoes off. My next step was to let her out the back, but before I could do so, she peed on the floor right in front of me.
Luckily it was on the wood floor and not on the rug, but I felt SO frustrated and I let my frustration get the best of me.
I burst into tears, yelled at her, told her I hated her, and tried to get her to go outside. But yelling makes her run away, so I had to pick her up, which she doesn’t like — and she mouthed my hand — and plopped her on the ground out back.
It was awful and I feel absolutely terrible. I’m so ashamed of myself to have let my emotions get so out of hand when she’s in this vulnerable state. She has dog dementia. How will I ever forgive myself?
It’s like it had been building and building and I just exploded. I don’t want to be that type of person. It makes me sick that did that to my sweet puppy.
I just want this day to be over so I can do better tomorrow.
It just sucks.
It’s not her fault.
I completely agree with her! I understand what it feels like when you get soooo upset that you just snap at someone you love. I imagine parents feel this way a lot.
Sassy knows that you love her, and has definitely forgotten about the entire incident. You need to try to as well. It’s so hard when a loved one is sick, and I’m sure after what you went through with your parents this is just bringing all of that back to the surface with your baby.
We are here for you!
Thank you so much, Jillian. You’re the sweetest. I’m sure parents struggle with this too on a more profound scale — I’m glad I’m not having kids so I won’t risk screwing up someone’s life 🙂 I think we’ve both moved past it, which is a relief. We snuggled in bed this morning and it made me feel normal again. xo
It’s not her fault, but you need to bear in mind that this situation is not YOUR fault either. You are trying so hard, and doing your very best day in, day out. I think the thing that probably triggered you here was more than likely the upset of having partly convinced yourself it might be getting better and getting into a routine, then being slapped in the face with reality. This is a one-off, and frustration and upset is often something we just can’t control. I feel terrible sometimes for how I used to lose my patience with my old cat, but we are both Good People – we don’t set out to bad things, quite the opposite. Don’t beat yourself up about this; she wouldn’t hold it against, and you shouldn’t hold it against yourself.
Thank you so much for this. When I read your comment I burst into tears again, but in a good way. I feel so much better — I needed to get that off my chest and I needed to hear someone say that I’m not a bad person. I’ll try not to beat myself up. Thank you again. <3