On Saturday afternoon, Mike and I went over to our tenant’s house to try to clear the shower drain. While we were there, I picked up a piece of mail addressed to me that had arrived in February. It was a sympathy card from Sassy’s veterinarian, signed by everyone in the office.
I didn’t open it right away, but when I did, I did not break down, I didn’t cry. There’s still a huge hole in my heart and I miss her every day, more than I’ve ever missed anyone else. But I’m healing.
Right after Sassy died, I switched to a different position within my company. It gave me a chance to focus on something other than the fact that my girl is no longer here, but it’s still been a struggle.
But you know what? I’m going to be okay. I am okay.
I’m able to open a sympathy card from my vet without bursting into tears.
I’m able to do my new job. I had my performance evaluation and received all positive feedback, which was a relief. This made me realize how how hard I’ve been on myself, and how self-doubt can make you sick. Literally.
You know what’s helped? Meditation.
Without it, I might have had a heart attack or something by now.
I downloaded a free app called Stop, Breathe and Think, and I do one or two guided meditations every morning before I get out of bed. At most, this takes 15 minutes — time well-spent. It helps me face the day with a positive outlook, it calms me down, it changes the dialog inside my brain.
And just for the record, it’s a completely secular thing. It’s not spiritual or religious, it’s all about just quieting the mind and finding some peace.
If I hadn’t started doing this, I feel like I’d still be stuck in a negative place, full of anxiety, misery, grief and self-doubt. If you feel you could benefit from meditation, I really recommend it.
I’ve also started to get into the habit of listing at least five things I’m grateful for every night, and that’s helped to improve my outlook as well.
This isn’t to say I’m no longer struggling. I am, but the difference is that I know everything is going to be okay.
No, fuck that. Everything is going to be awesome.
The first step is to just believe that, and I do.
Can you relate? Have you ever tried meditation? I’d love to hear about it!